VEILED
By Cornelia Powell | May 7, 2008
Waterfalls are a delight of nature that I enjoy finding wherever I travel. There are many around the Cullasaja Gorge region near Highlands, North Carolina, in an area close to where I’ve recently moved. A small waterfall named Bridal Veil Falls caught my attention recently — a rather sheer, narrow spray that drops right at the highway’s edge — gracefully revealing the reason for its namesake.
Seeing the familiar name reminded me how much the mystery and beauty of bridal veils captures our imagination. In a past issue (Autumn/Winter 2007) of my online magazine, Weddings of Grace, I tell a bit of bridal veil history and folklore, sharing the background about styles we know in the European-American tradition. Brides through the ages borrowed from royal court attire, or the current fashion, or new technology — “tradition” meant very little if the style didn’t look good!
From ancient Eastern cultures, where wearing veils were a tradition of daily life, modern brides inherit the spiritual sense of being veiled as capturing a meditative, privileged space for a private reverie.
If you’re a bride-to-be and take this heritage to heart, wearing a gossamer veil over your face is not only beautiful, but it is also a way to create your rite-of-passage as more reflective and tender. The veiled quiet space can be a reminder to take some deep breaths, supporting your journey of self-discovery with calm and grace.
The bridal veil makes a beautiful metaphor for cocooning and emerging, “representing the mystery of womanhood” as I shared with brides in my former shop! Reminiscent of some waterfalls where you can walk behind them into a cave-like space — a safe haven behind the falls — then come back out into the light on the other side.
One of my pleasures in working with brides is to reveal ways that deepen their wedding experience: how to stay centered and settled within, and open their hearts to connect with their “outside” world.
In regular life, how do you create your own cozy, meditative, cocoon-like space for a daily ritual of quietness and relaxation? Even when I can’t “escape” for some alone time, I take a couple of deep breaths in the middle of wherever I am, find my “center,” and then it feels as though I’ve been draped with a “veil” of peacefulness. Try it when entering a noisy, crowded room or when you have the “jitters” for whatever reason; after a few deep breaths, imagine you’ve entered a veiled space of soothing ease. Ahhhhh. Notice the difference a little “cocooning” makes!
Love. Listen. Let go.
… with love from Cornelia
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NURTURING
By Cornelia Powell | April 2, 2008
Recently I was treated to a nurturing and healing Ayurvedic body treatment and massage at an exotic day spa. Gracious attention, aromatic tea and a delicious vegetarian meal were also a part of the gifts of service extended to me during the quiet and soothing afternoon.
To end my meditative body wrap session, the lovely practitioner placed her hands over my eyes and said: The light in my eyes honors the light in your eyes. A beautiful and intimate salute. I left feeling nurtured and refreshed and deeply cared for inside and out.
I used the occasion of my birthday to indulge in this generous gift from friends, but it had me consider: What do I do on a daily basis to nurture and care for myself — no matter the circumstances of the day? What do I include in my day that is soothing and relaxing as a matter of course — not just as a break, but as a way of being? I know from my experience, if I don’t put attention there, it won’t happen; if I give attention to being my own best care giver, then there will be more softness, quiet, ease, meditative moments, nurturing responses in my life.
I always write messages to brides about giving attention to their inner well-being as well as to pampering their physical well-being: take quiet meditative breaks; be out in nature as much as possible; put attention on your breath and breathe deeper; be gentle with yourself; cuddle as often as possible; request support when you feel yourself getting a bit overwhelmed; and etcetera.
I’m going to take my own advice and put attention on being more gentle and nurturing to myself each day. And I invite you to join me — whether you’re a bride or just a “regular person” like me! The light in my eyes honors the light in your eyes.
Love. Listen. Let go.
… with love from Cornelia
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Love Is Breathing Into the Heart
By Cornelia Powell | March 12, 2008
I’ve worked with thousands of brides through the years and I’m aware that planning a wedding can put brides-to-be in the middle of an emotional journey — a rite-of-passage of inner growth and discovery that can get a bit bumpy at times. But what phase of your life is not an emotional journey? More and more I see that a woman’s life is an evolving series of rites-of-passage: moving into, through, and out of growth experiences all along the way — bumpy, smooth, and somewhere in-between!
I have a simple suggestion for all of us to ease the journey: notice your breath. For brides-to-be during your busy wedding planning schedule and for all women during your “living life large” journey, it’s important to take a breather — literally! Just think: you could be only a few deep breaths away from easing tension, being less emotional and more at ease, even more able to keep your heart open.
Are you noticing your breath as you’re reading this? Whatever you are noticing about your breath — deepen it more, feel your chest gently rise and fall with each inhale and exhale as you continue to read.
We are a culture of shallow breathers which keeps the body tense and uptight. As you pay more attention to your breath (inhaling deeply and exhaling slowly), as you let go of trying to “hold your body in place” (start with relaxing your shoulders), as you notice your world while noticing your breath (it’s easier to see when breathing deeply) — then you are more at ease, your mind becomes quieter and your body relaxes.
Like Yoga or a stretching routine that allows your body to be more limber and flexible, deep breathing helps you become more “flexible” in mind, body and spirit! The more aware you become of your breath — noticing it flow through your body — the more you allow yourself the lightness of space between all the busyness of life. And you might just get closer to the true feelings of your heart, creating ease in your life inside and out.
Whatever you’re doing — selecting flowers for your wedding bouquet, working at your desk, washing dishes — notice your breath; whatever rite-of-passage you are in — a bride-to-be, a newly wed, a new grandmother, or just living life — notice your breath, then deepen it. Practice noticing — then notice the difference. A wonderful practice to do whatever your journey: imagine your breath, like love, flowing in and out of your heart!
Love. Listen. Let go.
… with love from Cornelia
[”Love is breathing into the heart” is from A Course In Miracles.]
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Weddings (or Life!) as a Cliche
By Cornelia Powell | February 26, 2008
[Originally written for my Notes from Cornelia newsletter, especially for brides, but with a message for all women!]
How to create a wedding — following the appropriate protocol and traditions — that is not a cliche? How to plan a ceremony and reception that does not become a cookie-cutter formula with the character, soul, and intimacy squeezed out of your special event?
I recently saw the movie, 27 Dresses (not because it was on my “top ten” list, but more for “wedding research” reasons!) It’s a formulaic romantic comedy about Jane, an “eager and devoted bridesmaid with her 27 fruit-hued, puffy-sashed leftover bridesmaid dresses still lined up in her closet.”
The brides and wedding scenes in the film are “media wedding” cliches and formulas: stressed-out brides, overly dyed-to-match everything, wedding reception hi-jinks. There was very little intimacy in sight.
Of course, perpetual bridesmaid Jane meets her soon-to-be romantic interest. He is a cynical wedding-hater who covers the “wedding beat” for his newspaper, yet writes a tenderhearted column called “Commitments.” (It would be hard for him not to be cynical based on the weddings he attends: “Forced merriment, boring music, and bad food!”)
The newspaper angle of the movie draws from, “Vows,” the acclaimed real column in the Sunday Styles section of the New York Times. The well-written weekly piece, featuring a just-married couple, reports all that is endearing about love stories and weddings. There is a not a bit of sarcasm or a cliche to be found in its message. Why? Because it goes underneath the fluff and romantic sentiments and “matrimonial-princess fever” to the heart of the matter: what’s simple and real and from the heart.
In the movie, when Jane (who loves the “Commitments” wedding column) finds out it’s this glib skeptic who writes such beautiful articles, she stares him in the eye and asks: “Do you really feel all those warm, sincere, special-day sentiments? Or are you just a cynic spooning out ‘romantic crap’ for women like me?”
Hmmm. Perhaps this is a good inquiry to consider whether you’re planning a wedding or not. How do you not have your head turned by romantic illusion and hype, nor get lost in all the frenzy? For starters, it’s important to be able to recognize the difference in, one: what’s illusion and what’s real; two: your emotion and your spirit; and three: romance and love.
So how do you know the difference? And how do you have your choices for your wedding (or whatever part of your life you’re planning) come off as though you really do? (i.e. fresh, spontaneous, intimate, and full of love.) Here’s the key:
Choose from your heart;
make requests from your heart;
thank everyone (everyone!) from your heart;
keep opening your heart (especially when you don’t want to), and follow its lead.
In other words: Tell the truth, from your heart.
When the main characters in the 27 Dresses movie finally told the truth about their real feelings — stopped being their own cliche — they became more likable and attractive and softer and real. Of course, if they had started out without the pretense and drama, it would have been a whole ‘nother movie — cliche-less! And that’s what I’d choose for real life any day.
Love. Listen. Let go.…
with love from Cornelia
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Love & Renewal
By Cornelia Powell | February 9, 2008
When I travel to other parts of the world, I’m interested in the sense of community in the towns and villages I visit. I notice the relationships between men and women and discover a great deal about a culture from their wedding and marriage customs.
The other day I was reminded of a trip in 2004 to Northern Italy when I bumped into a friend who led the journey. On this trip, we visited and studied in the independent metaphysical community of Damanhur near Torino at the foothills of the Alps.
I was drawn into their generous and open-hearted energy. The people who have settled there from all over the world seem to be connected in a bold, yet intimate way. Involved in global issues, they call on ancient as well as modern practices in the arts and sciences for their projects in making the world a healthier and more vibrant place to live.
Sensing very little tension in any of the groups or families I observed and visited, I was not surprised to learn of their unique marriage protocol:
In Damanhur, couples who decide to marry choose common objectives and decide for how long they want to pursue them through their marriage. In this way, a bit before the chosen deadline, the couple can re-examine their relationship and decide if and for how long to renew their commitment, choosing new goals for individual and common growth.
This wedding formula has been created so that the choice of being together can always be a desired commitment and the relationship does not fall into habit, becoming an obligation. In Damanhur, it is believed that a union of love is a precious gift for everybody because a happy couple can bring harmony, stability and growth to the whole community.
What I find intriguing and wise is that this process always keeps the attention on the relationship with a continuous check-in — no matter what circumstances come and go — so no one’s personal ego overpowers the other or severs the connection. This “built-in re-examination” of the couple’s relationship is not intended to diminish the power of commitment, but to strengthen the bond that is there or to shift the relationship if the connection is missing.
It is the essential lesson of nature: continuous renewal. Is to love anew as an ongoing sacrament, therefore, the essence of transformation?
No matter the rules or laws that give marriages societal structure, isn’t the essence of marriage about deeply honoring the nature of love within the union in each moment? A renewal of spirit. Hm-m-m- m. I’ll continue my observations!
It was a privilege when visiting Damanhur to be in a community that honors and lives “everyday life” as a loving, sacred ritual moment to moment.
Love. Listen. Let go.… with love from Cornelia
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A Young Girl’s World
By Cornelia Powell | January 21, 2008
What can you do today to boost the self-esteem of a young girl? What if you saw every girl as a potential world leader? What then would you say to her to inspire her to see that for herself?
The social pressures of young people today can be brutal—and the support structures of modern culture have let them down. We have given them a society full of caffeine and refined sugar diets; freely prescribed drugs for depression and deficient attention; a media system that makes cruelty and rudeness “cool entertainment”; adult role models who use “religion” to make others wrong; a cyber world that can be more believable to a child than what their parent’s say; and neglect of their inner spirit.
Read the story of Megan Meier. Megan was a 13-year-old girl who committed suicide to escape the pressures she felt from the cruel bullying via her social networking community on MySpace.com.
How can you shore up the self-esteem of not only the “Megan’s” of the world, but also the self-esteem of the girls who tormented her? Let the world know in every way you can that kindness and tenderness are “cool.” Reach out to at least one young girl today—stranger, daughter, friend. They are all our children; they are all us.
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The Gift to be Simple
By Cornelia Powell | January 4, 2008
‘Tis the gift to be simple, ’tis the gift to be free,
’tis the gift to come down where we ought to be;
and when we find ourselves in the place just right,
’twill be in the valley of love and delight.
- 18th century Shaker hymn
To simplify your life has a certain appeal and charm, and in the swirling world of planning a wedding (and holiday seasons), ’tis a real gift indeed. I heard a bride-to-be say, “Life is just too complicated right now to simply enjoy being in love.” Hmmmmm. Why do we tend to make things more complicated even when we say we want to simplify our lives?
Life does have a paradoxical quality, doesn’t it? I often told customers in my former bridal art-to-wear store who were asking for a “simple” wedding gown: “The simplest gown can be the most complicated to make.” Vera Wang, one of the first designers who added exquisite fashion to the wedding gown market, explains: “The simpler the gown, the more precise the workmanship should be.” (There are no extraneous materials to camouflage a lack of precision or quality.)
Therefore, simplicity in the world of artisan dressmaking takes attention to detail and fine craftsmanship. What would it take to have the discipline of being a fine craftsman in the practice of living your life in elegant simplicity? Do you make life complicated by adding too many pieces of “fluff and stuff and trim” when less can indeed be more?
Perhaps creating simplicity is a function of your attention, or more precisely, where you put your attention. While planning your wedding — or organizing a holiday party — focusing on the frenzy, the long to-do lists, and the emotional upsets will have your life be just that: distracted and noisy and complicated. By putting your attention on what lights you up, what brings you pleasure, what makes you giggle, then you just may see a more light-hearted, simpler view of the world. (And you have a wedding or party or family gathering where you are actually fully present!)
This may be more of that paradoxical nature, but I get that simplicity is related to a sense of abundance. When we come to the realization that the world is already full of all we need to be happy, then — from the words of the 18th century Shaker hymn — we can relax into where we ought to be. And when we find ourselves in the place just right — empty of all the fuss, yet full of our own vitality and self-expression — the gift of simple pleasures is revealed to us.
As the old, wise rhyme continues: the gift to be simple is the gift of finding yourself in the valley of love and delight.
Love. Listen. Let go.… with love from Cornelia
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Meditation CDs are ready!
By Cornelia Powell | December 27, 2007
Both of my meditation CDs are being shipped — my first online products! OPEN YOUR HEART Meditations for Brides and OPEN YOUR HEART Meditations for Women.
Each CD is a series of three guided meditations inspired by the “Take a Breather” column in my online magazine, Weddings of Grace….each meditation and relaxing exercise is accompanied by divinely-guided music.
The story of how the CD recordings all came about is a lovely bit of serendipity that I think you’ll enjoy:
I met Daniel Sperry—a man of creative ideas and immense musical talent—while I was writing a script with the idea of recording a meditation CD for brides. When he learned I was planning a trip to Ashland, Oregon (where he lives), he suggested a collaboration of sorts, like a performance piece: he would play the cello and a friend play the keyboards while I read the guided meditation.
However, there was a bit of chaos prior to the magic! Three weeks before the recording date, someone stepped on Daniel’s prized cello after a practice session, breaking its neck. Then the keyboard player was not available at the last minute.
But Ashland is not only a collective of magicians of the spirit, but magicians of musical instruments as well! Daniel found a master restorer just down the street—who repaired the cello just in the nick of time—and then was guided to the musical wizard, Richard Raven Williams, who also had a studio we could use.
Richard plays a variety of Japanese flutes and exotic Middle Eastern string instruments. His light-filled studio, Lightsound Recordings, is nestled in the Ashland high desert countryside near Eden Farms; a peaceful place where mistreated and sick horses are taken to be tended to and loved. It made a serene, healing environment to work and a glorious collaboration indeed happened! Daniel and Richard’s improvised and heart-infused music created a heavenly background to my readings.
I can’t wait to see what you think!
-Cornelia
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What’s Real & What’s Illusion?
By Cornelia Powell | December 13, 2007
I’m always reminding brides how to not “lose themselves” in the busyness of planning a wedding. Emotions take such a topsy-turvy tumble that a woman can get a bit off center as a bride, sometimes confusing “what’s real” with “what’s illusion.”
Weddings are full of rituals that use symbols, metaphors, concepts, and images “representing” something that is real and actual. Real experiences like love and a sense of feeling your heart open can be subtle and elusive, therefore sometimes difficult to express on your own. Rituals, therefore, come in handy to help you articulate a deeper expression of your heart.
On the other hand, sometimes a bride becomes so dazzled and distracted by those same symbols and rituals — when they become only pomp & circumstance — that she loses sight of how to distinguish real love from the symbols of love. (Same thing can happen in “regular life” as well!)
A Real Movie
This query — real versus illusion, actual versus conceptual — came up for me in a different way recently when I saw the film, Lars and the Real Girl starring Ryan Gosling, a favorite actor of mine. He plays Lars, a sweet, socially challenged introvert, who orders a custom- designed, life-size girl doll as a “companion.” His tender attention to his new “friend” brings him out of his shell and brings his family and community into a connection with their own hearts — filling voids they didn’t know they had.
Here was a “real” man who created an imaginary “relationship” that opened his locked up emotions and freed his spirit. And his tenderness and care-taking of his doll-friend touch his community and family to the extent that they become more “real” — more attentive and thoughtful to each other.
The story becomes an emotional, comical, transformative journey for Lars and the people around him. The twist here is that Lars used his doll-friend (a “symbol”) to practice coming out of his shell until he comes into his own sense of self and confidence. The doll-friend was like a “warm-up” to prepare him in relating to “real” people.
The symbols and rituals of the wedding ceremony — words, music, rings, candles, vows — are part of the couple’s “warm-up.” Rituals were designed to guide the couple in keeping their hearts open during what could be a stressful transitional time. (Like Lars in the film, this gives the couple a little “practice” time to really feel the experience of living with a more open heart.)
Practicing
Wedding ceremonies follow the culture that presents them — and we live in a rather “objectifying” culture! While watching the Lars movie, I became present to how real people can easily become like “objects” to us unless we keep our hearts open. And is that not the real intention in life — to practice staying open?
Lars used a life-size doll to help get his emotional balance, to practice opening his heart with real people. I use writing, time in nature, stillness & meditation, and being with quiet friends to ground myself, re-find my center, connect with spirit, and practice keeping my heart open. What do you use as a centering process?
This is what I suggest: Use what works for you to keep real life real - - and perhaps what’s real is just the heart you bring to it. And in the moment of opening your heart, you drop into your center and ease into life’s flow — at least long enough to connect to the person next to you, then you get to practice all over again!
Love. Listen. Let go.
… with love from Cornelia
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