 |
Speaking the language of ritual & relationship, folklore & costume, stillness & self-discovery... |
 |
A Woman’s Mystery
By Cornelia Powell | June 26, 2009
To my delight, one of my early visitors was a lone hummingbird (female, I figured, because of her dull coloring). She would briefly fly about the hanging basket of fuchsia, buzz around my head, then be off, followed by my promises of “one day” I’d hang out a bottle of nectar as well. (Hummingbirds are still rather new to me, so I’ve seen them as little magical, mysterious creatures.)
Finally one morning I “cooked up” some sugar water, filled the bottle, hung it on my porch, and called my little friend to breakfast. It didn’t take her long to arrive to sample my “cooking.” Then I heard a second unmistakable buzzing. Here came the ruby-throated, iridescent green-back male — her mate? I was thrilled. But as soon as he arrived, he darted at my little friend, buzzing her away. He chased her in what seemed to me an attack, then began doing his masculine pendulum-swing aerial act!
“Be sweet, now,” I said to my visitors, “and stop fussing!” After several days of that routine I announced to them that, although I loved them, they were “losing their mystery” for me with all of that noisy aggressive behavior.
The next day or so, I heard Marianne Williamson, a favorite author, give her “Miracle Thought” for the day podcast on the subject of “intimacy.”
(For a little background: I’m an “observer” of relationships. I haven’t had a lot of experience, but I’m a keen witness on how creatures — including men and women! — interact. In my observations, I’m intrigued by a particular type of couple: they have been together for years and have stopped hearing each other; then it’s like a tired gray fog of resentment hangs over them. He stopped listening long ago, and she talks even more.)
So Marianne’s podcast on intimacy fascinated me. She talked about the upfront, “tell it like it is!” American culture that believes in saying whatever they’re thinking — even “in the name of intimacy.” There is “value in discretion” she offered. “For women, particularly, it is important to retain our mystery.”
Marianne asks the listener to consider that “in order to preserve intimacy — you don’t say everything you’re thinking. I suggest to you,” she continued, “that intimacy is not just where everything is spoken; intimacy is, more importantly, where everything can be heard. There are times that intimacy itself demands that we be very careful not only with what we say, but how we say it.”
It’s not about withholding or being dishonest, or “not being real, not being authentic,” but it is about being real in the most loving, compassionate way. And coming from that space, you can trust your higher-self to say what is lovingly supportive.
There is nothing wrong with a bit of mystery. There are times, the author shared, “when mystery is a salve…when mystery is anything but a lie…it can be a higher kind of truth.”
Marianne spoke about hearing a radio interview with a famous French couple while in France — her travel mate interpreting for her. The woman was asked the secret of the couple’s long successful marriage. “I never lost my mystery,” the woman responded.
“When a woman retains her feminine,” Marianne concluded, “truly stays within her feminine spirit, a man never grows bored. And a woman who talks too much, loses her mystery. Silence is part of our power; it is not a game, it is part of the dance. It’s part of the feminine. We are powerful when we speak and we are powerful when we are silent.”
Love…listen…let go.
Cornelia
Topics: Empowering Girls, Inspiration, Relationship, Women's Notes | 2 Comments »
“Holy Blessings” - a book excerpt
By Cornelia Powell | June 22, 2009
I thought you would enjoy this excerpt from my upcoming book, “The Bride’s Ritual Guide: Look Inside to Find Yourself.” Not just for brides, but for all women (and men!) who love matters of the heart!
HOLY BLESSINGS
“Smile, breathe, go slowly.”
- Thich Nhat Hanh
Some brides wear a sapphire ring or pin as their wedding day “something blue.” Sapphires have a great deal of ethereal meaning in the world of gemstones. Queen Victoria wore a large sapphire brooch, a gift from her beloved Albert, pinned to her white silk satin gown the day they married. As a teenage bride-to-be, Lady Diana Spencer chose a sapphire and diamond engagement ring from the selection offered her by Prince Charles and the royal family.
The blue sapphire is considered the stone of “holy blessings” and has long symbolized truth, sincerity, and faithfulness. A precious gemstone may not be able to guarantee the love we want, but “holy blessings” come in all shapes and sizes and disguises! Whatever gemstone you wear, it’s more of a treasure when you add self-love. Now that’s a blessing that keeps sharing riches of the heart!
Perhaps you need a little extra support to get to and keep that loving space during this busy time. Give yourself the gift of a few quiet moments each day. Slow down, relax, close your eyes and just breathe; take deep slow inhales and long soft exhales. Focus inward as you breathe. Pay attention to your breath gently moving your chest up and down. Allow your body to soften and relax even more. Let your thoughts just float awhile…no concentrating needed here. Simply count your “holy blessings” as you enjoy this soft quiet sweetness.
[Excerpted from my upcoming book, "The Bride's Ritual Guide: Look Inside to Find Yourself." Stay tuned for news!]
Topics: For Brides, Inspiration, Relationship, Remembrances, Stillness & Relaxation | No Comments »
Give a Child a Future
By Cornelia Powell | June 3, 2009
I’m just back from attending the Book Expo America in New York City — the granddaddy book event of them all! — and one thing that was very apparent is that people love books! Here’s the event where publishers present their new and upcoming book titles and show off their authors. There were books of all kinds: books with messages that enlighten us; books that entertain us; books that teach us something new!
There was an entire floor at BEA devoted to childrens’ books. And many of the authors had their children with them for the book signings and presentations. Which brings me to this quick message: Give books to children; read books to children; get them a library card; teach a child to read; etcetera! You don’t have to be a teacher to teach. You don’t have to be a parent to nurture a child. A quote I read by Donald E. Messer in 52 Ways to Create an AIDs-Free World: “A girl without education matures into a woman without a future.”
Give a child a future! Buy them a book. Read to them. Show them this big, beautiful world full of possibility, abundance, and love.
Topics: Announcements, Empowering Girls, Inspiration, Relationship | No Comments »
Celebrating the Skin We’re In!
By Cornelia Powell | May 24, 2009
Hmmmm. Someone having “issues” with their looks or body is not untypical, but it does seem the phenomenon became “pandemic” in American culture over the last several years. (Which is what “Nip/Tuck” satirizes it seems.) What would it take for us to have whatever “issue” we have, yet celebrate our bodies just the way we are?
There is no occasion that brings up these concerns more than when a bride shops for her wedding dress (especially if she “struggles” with her body). This experience is poignantly and hilariously expressed by Susan Jane Gilman in her book, Hypocrite in a Pouffy White Dress.
A cynical, self-declared “subversive” New Yorker who hated shopping because of her hard-to-fit figure, Susan never thought she would be wearing one of those white pouffy dresses as a bride. (Something trashy in red or black was more her speed!) But reluctantly she goes shopping and, not understanding or appreciating her body type, she looked “hideous” (her word) in the dresses she chose and was ready to give up. But thanks to a patient saleswoman who had a great eye for what looked good on a woman’s figure, Susan — now looking gorgeous dressed in the saleswoman’s choice — had what she called a “total ideological meltdown” in the middle of David’s Bridal!
“I couldn’t help it. I almost started to weep. I looked beautiful. More beautiful than I had ever seen myself look in my entire life. I looked queenly, glorious, uncompromised,” the author exclaimed. “Every woman should see herself looking uniquely breathtaking, in something tailored to celebrate her body, so that she is better able to appreciate her own beauty and better equipped to withstand the ideals of our narrow-waisted, narrow-minded culture.”
(I loved reading that because in my former shop when my designers and I dressed a bride, these were the results we were after and celebrated in achieving!)
Of course some women like their bodies just fine, thank you very much! Like Sonja Herbert of Berkeley, California — a savvy, wise, and grounded woman — who is featured as a bride in the current issue of Weddings of Grace. Sonja said that everything seemed to come together with ease when she began planning her simple, elegant, reverent wedding with the exception of one “difficulty” — shopping for the dress!
“The hardest part for me was selecting the dress,” Sonja explained. “It was like the stores were putting me on a pedestal, but insulting me at the same time. They were telling me what the dress hid; selling me a dress that would solve my problems. ‘Oh, this dress makes you look skinny; this one makes you look tall.’ I finally said, ‘I’m happy with my body just the way it is!’” (Sonja participates in triathlons, so she should know!)
For the most part, wedding gown designers do indeed focus on making a woman look beautiful. If a bride has “body issues,” then the help of a “knowing” designer, alterations expert, or salesperson who understands proportion (it’s all about proportion) puts the bride in good hands. And when it all comes together, as I tell brides in my upcoming book, The Bride’s Ritual Guide: Look Inside to Find Yourself, “linger in front of the mirror and simply soak in looking and feeling feminine and luscious and gorgeous in your own eyes!”
The passage in my book continues with a reminder for all women: “You don’t have to wait for your wedding day, or stop doing it on your wedding day, or even have a wedding day to celebrate your womanliness! And no, you don’t wear a figure-shaping, goddess-inspiring, glowing white ball gown designed to show off your femininity every day, but you can celebrate you every day — body and spirit!”
So with or without some nip ‘n tuck … let’s all “celebrate the skin we’re in!”
Love. Listen. Let go.
… with love from Cornelia
Topics: Costume, For Brides, Inspiration, Remembrances, Women's Notes | 1 Comment »
Love Without Diamonds?
By Cornelia Powell | May 19, 2009
Join the Discussion on “Conflict Diamonds” and Advantages of Buying Vintage Wedding & Engagement Rings!
In the current issue of Weddings of Grace Online Magazine, I continue the discussion of “to diamond or not to diamond?” — “new rings vs antique?” — “no engagement ring/just wedding band?” (See details on the Cornelia Recommends page.)
Would love your input for follow-up article! (Feel free to share with others.)
1. Do you have stories of becoming aware of the “conflict diamond” concern—especially since the media focused attention on the issue in 2006—and how it may have changed or influenced a purchase?
(For info, see a 2006/07 write-up in the Weddings of Grace archives.)
2. Or if you’ve shopped for wedding rings since 2006, what did you learn about the Kimberley Process (the diamond industry’s self-policing policy) or what were you told by jewelers if you asked about “blood diamonds” or etcetera?
3. Do you have stories of buying engagement/wedding rings with gemstones other than diamonds (or rings not featuring a diamond)? Whether sapphire, ruby, amethyst, emerald, or etcetera, and/or no stone—what was/were your reason/s?
4. Do you have stories of shopping for fine vintage or antique wedding rings for better value for your investment; for more character in design; for better quality or more unique look; etcetera? (For info, see the “Cornelia Recommends” page in the current issue of Weddings of Grace.)
Thanks for sharing your stories, ideas, and queries. I look forward to hearing from you.
Edwardian diamond and platinum ring. Courtesy of Isadora's.
Topics: Announcements, For Brides, Relationship, Women's Notes | No Comments »
Here’s Something to Share
By Cornelia Powell | April 30, 2009
The May-June issue of Weddings of Grace is now online! You don’t have to be a bride to enjoy the heart-opening story on the Rituals of the Heart page, Through the Simplicity Comes the Joy. Although not a traditional Quaker wedding, the featured couple wrapped themselves in the reverence and simplicity of the Friends Meeting House setting. A sense of “simple abundance” for you to enjoy.
Now published every two months — with updates posted weekly — Weddings of Grace is easy to share with women in your world who want a little more ease, a bit more support, and lots more GRACE while moving through their bridal rite-of-passage! (As well as all of life’s relationships!)
No wonder that more than half of Weddings of Grace readers are not brides, but women who simply love matters of the heart!
Topics: For Brides, Relationship, Women's Notes | No Comments »
“Notice What You Notice!”
By Cornelia Powell | April 18, 2009
Poet Allan Ginsburg wrote, “Notice what you notice!” Reading that immediately makes me pause, pay attention, become more aware. Like a call to be inwardly and outwardly aware at the same time.
Professional photographer Jacquelyn Schechter of Mindful Photography interprets Ginsburg like this: “He was calling us to be mindful of our surroundings by embracing a nonjudgmental and calm awareness. By quieting the mind in this way, time seems to stand still, our tasks feel effortless, and we become less self-absorbed.”
Whether you are taking a photograph, caring for your children or an elderly parent, going on a hike, interviewing for a new job, or planning a wedding — notice what you are noticing. Be your own keen witness to what’s really happening; not the story in your head or how a mood or opinion may slant things. (Is this really true, or did I just make that up?) Pay attention: Does your body feel tense? Then what you’re seeing, doing, or thinking may just be “tense” as well.
“When photographing,” Jacquelyn teaches, “being mindful is a way to develop the subtle skill of ’seeing’ that is very different from looking. When we shoot from a calm, centered place, the resulting photos have a different quality to them.” Is that not true of any aspect of life? Seeing the world through the eyes of calm awareness allows our “best self” to be present…and gives us room to respond with grace, forgiveness, and love. Life, indeed, has a different quality now!
Jacquelyn coaches her students in a similar way that I coach brides or anyone who wants beautiful, heart-full results. Slow down, put attention on your breathing, relax, and focus inside as you breathe. Put attention on what lights you up, then follow that light!
When Jacquelyn tells her students to “pick up your camera,” she could be saying ‘pick up your life — pick up your awareness’ because she then instructs them to “walk, see, hear, and breathe. Turn the internal volume way down. ‘Notice what you notice.’ Trust those urges that come from your gut rather than your head. Edit later.”
This is the time of year when Mother Nature calls us to attention…and a great time to practice noticing all the subtle changes that just may become profound! As the French 19th-early 20th century writer Colette reminds us: “One notices that a flower that was in bud only yesterday has suddenly blossomed.” Simply “notice what you notice” so you won’t miss life’s magic.
Topics: Inspiration, Stillness & Relaxation, Women's Notes | No Comments »
“Brides Against Breast Cancer” Gown Sale
By Cornelia Powell | April 8, 2009
You don’t have to be a bride to want to know about these upcoming events and help spread the word! The annual “Brides Against Breast Cancer” Charity Gown Sale Nationwide Tour is beginning this month.
The Making Memories Breast Cancer Foundation, a non-profit organization dedicated to granting last wishes for men and women suffering from Stage 4 (metastatic) breast cancer, has received thousands of wedding gowns for its “Brides Against Breast Cancer” Nationwide Tour of Gowns.
Most gowns in the sale have been donated by members of the bridal industry; some are runway samples; others are gifts from individuals around the country. All are sold at great savings!
Check the current issue of Weddings of Grace — on the new Wedding News page — for dates, locations, and more information.
Shop for a gown, donate your gown, or just spread the word! Many, many thanks.
ps: AND you don’t have to be a bride to enjoy Weddings of Grace Online Magazine. In fact, over 50% of my readers are women and men who simply love matters of the heart, the ceremonies of life, and being reminded that life is a rite-of-passage no matter your age! (Have you read “Today’s Quote & Musing” on the Weddings of Grace home page…? Something for everyone!)
Topics: Announcements, For Brides, Women's Notes | No Comments »
A Picture of Abundance: Gummie & Violets
By Cornelia Powell | March 23, 2009
As I headed out for a mountain hike the other day, taking a short cut through a golf course to a favorite rhododendron trail, a grassy slope covered with violets stopped me in my tracks. Oh, wow, it’s really spring! And with that obvious reminder, there also came — in one fell swoop — such an abundance of feelings, images, and memories that it gave me a little shiver!
One of those “image memory flashes” was of my grandmother Gummie, my father’s mother. I always think of her when I see violets and their heart-shaped leaves; a flower so true to its name that we give it to a particular color. That was Gummie. So true to her passion that when she gave you a “tour” of her spacious yard — a favorite rite when I was a little girl — it was as though the flowers appeared just to please her. She knew them all by name, she spoke of them as family, she tended them with love, and they rewarded her with their abundance.
Violets are one of those delicate flowers that hide underneath its large green foliage to the extent that you have to almost get on hands and knees to really see them. It’s like they are a personal invitation for intimacy. Shakespeare writes of the violet as a symbol of innocent love. Botanist Marina Heilmeyer say’s that “hardly any other plant is so forceful and successful in its growth.” Abundance at it’s most appealing!
That was my Gummie. Not only a force of nature (although a soft Edwardian-like lady, when she couldn’t find anyone to build a chicken coop for her, she built it herself), but she was also a “force” of abundant love.
Gummie never went visiting up the country Alabama road in her blue Oldsmobile without a bunch of flowers from her yard — as well as a portion of her famous farm-butter pound cake — to share with a neighbor. It seemed that as Gummie gave her treasures away, she gave her love away and her life became more abundant.
So when I’m feeling small and stingy and insufficient in any way, I think of Gummie’s generous twinkle of a smile and all the tiny violets spreading their tendrils of new growth, popping up on forever hillsides! Then I look around at all the abundance in my world as I breathe those images deep into my heart, and say “thank you.” Thank you for everything I can see, everything I can’t see yet, and for all the miracles still to come.
Topics: Empowering Girls, Inspiration, Relationship, Remembrances, Women's Notes | 1 Comment »
No Worry
By Cornelia Powell | March 13, 2009
On this second “Friday the 13th” of the year — there are three in 2009, the most possible in one year — I’m reminded how much “worrying” is going on these days! Then that lead me to remember a greeting card received years ago that I posted above my desk in easy eye view. It said: “Worrying does not empty tomorrow of its troubles. It empties today of its strength.”
Whew! I relaxed just writing those words.
I can always tell when I don’t give myself some quiet, meditative time each day. My mind is noiser, I get hooked by busy thoughts more easily, my body is more tense. And that “worrisome” feeling creeps in. As Conversations With God author Neale Donald Walsch said: “All the problems you face today are going to go away, unless you worry them to stay. Problems like worry. Worry is a magnet for them. ‘Let it be.’ If you worry enough about them, however, you can be sure that they will stick around.”
Now you know why all of those triskaidekaphobia folks — people who are afraid of the number 13 — are triskaidekaphobics. They worry about stuff so it sticks around. They attract 13-related problems ’cause they worry about 13-related problems. As my friend and teacher Cynthia Zaal says: “Where your attention goes, so goes your life!”
So I’m going to ease off and take some deeeeeeeeeep breaths as I gently stretch my body, have a cup of herbal tea, watch the mountain rain fall, count the birds at my feeders, put my attention on other things I love and listen to the Beatles remind me, Let It Be.
Topics: Empowering Girls, Inspiration, Meditation, Stillness & Relaxation, Women's Notes | No Comments »
« Previous Entries