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Weddings (or Life!) as a Cliche
By Cornelia Powell | February 26, 2008
[Originally written for my Notes from Cornelia newsletter, especially for brides, but with a message for all women!]
How to create a wedding — following the appropriate protocol and traditions — that is not a cliche? How to plan a ceremony and reception that does not become a cookie-cutter formula with the character, soul, and intimacy squeezed out of your special event?
I recently saw the movie, 27 Dresses (not because it was on my “top ten” list, but more for “wedding research” reasons!) It’s a formulaic romantic comedy about Jane, an “eager and devoted bridesmaid with her 27 fruit-hued, puffy-sashed leftover bridesmaid dresses still lined up in her closet.”
The brides and wedding scenes in the film are “media wedding” cliches and formulas: stressed-out brides, overly dyed-to-match everything, wedding reception hi-jinks. There was very little intimacy in sight.
Of course, perpetual bridesmaid Jane meets her soon-to-be romantic interest. He is a cynical wedding-hater who covers the “wedding beat” for his newspaper, yet writes a tenderhearted column called “Commitments.” (It would be hard for him not to be cynical based on the weddings he attends: “Forced merriment, boring music, and bad food!”)
The newspaper angle of the movie draws from, “Vows,” the acclaimed real column in the Sunday Styles section of the New York Times. The well-written weekly piece, featuring a just-married couple, reports all that is endearing about love stories and weddings. There is a not a bit of sarcasm or a cliche to be found in its message. Why? Because it goes underneath the fluff and romantic sentiments and “matrimonial-princess fever” to the heart of the matter: what’s simple and real and from the heart.
In the movie, when Jane (who loves the “Commitments” wedding column) finds out it’s this glib skeptic who writes such beautiful articles, she stares him in the eye and asks: “Do you really feel all those warm, sincere, special-day sentiments? Or are you just a cynic spooning out ‘romantic crap’ for women like me?”
Hmmm. Perhaps this is a good inquiry to consider whether you’re planning a wedding or not. How do you not have your head turned by romantic illusion and hype, nor get lost in all the frenzy? For starters, it’s important to be able to recognize the difference in, one: what’s illusion and what’s real; two: your emotion and your spirit; and three: romance and love.
So how do you know the difference? And how do you have your choices for your wedding (or whatever part of your life you’re planning) come off as though you really do? (i.e. fresh, spontaneous, intimate, and full of love.) Here’s the key:
Choose from your heart;
make requests from your heart;
thank everyone (everyone!) from your heart;
keep opening your heart (especially when you don’t want to), and follow its lead.
In other words: Tell the truth, from your heart.
When the main characters in the 27 Dresses movie finally told the truth about their real feelings — stopped being their own cliche — they became more likable and attractive and softer and real. Of course, if they had started out without the pretense and drama, it would have been a whole ‘nother movie — cliche-less! And that’s what I’d choose for real life any day.
Love. Listen. Let go.…
with love from Cornelia
Topics: Relationship, Women's Notes |