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Speaking the language of ritual & relationship, folklore & costume, stillness & self-discovery... |
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MASQUERADE: WHAT IS YOUR MASK?
By Cornelia Powell | June 23, 2008
I’ve just returned from New Orleans — the city of masks and disguise and carnivale. Along with museum curators, teachers, collectors and designers, I attended the annual symposium of the Costume Society of America.
Our delightful keynote speaker from New Zealand, James Acheson (costume designer for films such as The Last Emperor, Dangerous Liaisons, and the Spiderman trilogy) focused on “the dilemma of disguise.”
This reminded me of the “disguise” (and the “dilemma” as well) of wedding attire for brides. Is this part of the appeal of a woman becoming a bride — dressing up like a “princess,” being in the ceremonial spotlight, delighting in the magical freedom of masquerade? I’ll share parts of an article I wrote after another visit to New Orleans years ago.
Clothes can transform you — inside and out. History shows that one’s character changes during the ritual of dressing for a ceremony: a military man putting on his garb for a presentation; a geisha artfully layering herself for an evenings’ entertainment; a bride being dressed for her wedding.
The fit and feel of clothes determine your outward presentation: how you perceive yourself as well as how you are perceived; your freedom of movement or lack of it. (This is part of the popularity of those ubiquitous strapless wedding gowns, but that’s another story!)
You take on a different persona in ceremonial garb. Is it play-acting or is it closer to your true nature? Is it a way you prepare to receive the revealing spotlight of attention, like a protective shell?
Colleagues of mine who are expert in the masquerade traditions — Carnivale and Mardi Gras — speak about the freedom that comes with the “masking” effect of costumes:
“Masking often results in transformation, if only temporarily. A new face and different attire allows a masker to transcend his or her everyday life and construct a new self, an altered psyche. It is this ability to escape the prosaic that bestows the magic and power of carnival.” (From a 2004 exhibition at Louisiana State Museum in New Orleans.)
Recognizing a brides’ power and appeal to the supernatural worlds, some old ethnic cultures still use the tradition of completely covering the bride in an opaque veil to keep her “out of harm’s way.” In our modern society, a bride’s entire costume could be considered a “mask” or buffer to sheathe her as she moves through her rite-of-passage, and as in ancient times, a way of keeping her apart, safely cocooned.
A bride dresses in clothing not like everyday life; and even if she is unaware, she’s dressing for the pageantry of a transformational ritual. Her special costume, the wedding pageantry, and the attention focused on the bride all combine to create an otherworldly effect. This masquerade quality generates a sense of freedom, an empowering feeling of portraying the heroine, the magical sense of being a princess.
Are these the underlying characteristics that keep pomp & circumstance wedding ceremonies popular and the mystique of the bride in tact — even in our modern, over-exposed culture?
Looking for an organizational slogan, my elegant fashion colleague, Kay King of Houston, declares: “Clothes have clout!” And wedding costumes have power and magic that continue their mysterious masquerade.
You may not be dressing for a rite-of-passage or formal presentation today, but when you’re dressing, pay attention to what changes in your posture, in your thoughts as you put on (or take off!) layers of clothing, as you add make-up or jewelry. Just notice. Notice if there is a bit of masquerade about you today….and how much of your true nature indeed shines through.
Love. Listen. Let go.
… with love from Cornelia
Topics: Costume, For Brides, Remembrances, Women's Notes | No Comments »
FRAGRANCE & CONNECTION
By Cornelia Powell | June 12, 2008
I love how a certain scent can bring a sweet distant memory into focus. On a walk the other morning, the smell of honeysuckle took me on a childhood journey of adventure with my father. I remembered how we would pick armloads of wildflowers in the piney woods of our Alabama farm, and then surprise my mother with our fragrant bounty!
My aromatherapist friends remind me that none of our senses are more related to the emotions than the sense of smell. The pure fragrance of essential oils encourages the link between the right and left sides of the brain, connecting how we feel to how we think. Scents are a part of the delicate balancing act of the body and mind, the heart and brain. But to really understand the power and magic of scent, they say, one must experience it.
Hmmmm. That’s a bit like love, isn’t it? With love, we experience the movement of energy that rushes through the body and seems to fill our heart, leaving us a bit light-headed! And like experiencing a fragrance — breathing in the sweet scent of a rose, for instance — the experience of “love” brings all of our other senses into play. We seem more aware of the world around us; we become more balanced and settled into a deeper place inside our heart.
If aromatic essential oils are considered messengers of nature (speaking to our inner nature through fragrance, not words) then love may be considered the messenger of our true spirit, speaking the language of connection and harmony of our inner and outer worlds. The perfect envoy of true partnership.
No wonder brides have used scented flowers through the ages, not only for their beauty, but for their soothing, balancing effect … and connection to the heart.
Take three deep breaths, breathing in the fragrance of love … breathing out whatever doesn’t feel harmonious and balanced in your world. And listen closely to the stillness … there are messages that come to us in very delicate, subtle ways.
Love. Listen. Let go.
… with love from Cornelia
Topics: For Brides, Relationship, Remembrances, Women's Notes | No Comments »
A SOFT-FOCUS WORLD
By Cornelia Powell | June 2, 2008
We live in a world where we tend to “hard focus” most of our waking time: concentrating, figuring things out, trying to remember a myriad of facts and details — over-using the thinking mind. Sound familiar?
Resting the eyes is one way to have a quick and relaxing “refreshment of ease.” By closing out the visual stimulation of your busy world for a bit — and using your breath and intention — you can quiet your mind, find an inner stillness, and see the world anew!
One simple tip is to remember to “soft focus” when you are reading or using the computer or talking with someone or just sitting and thinking. Soft focus is allowing your eyes to relax into their sockets, like they’re floating — instead of pushing them out.
Notice right now which you are doing and allow your eyes to relax, letting go of anything “hard” or forceful — simply allowing the eyes to see. Just having the awareness of this distinction can decrease your eye strain and make a difference in your energy level.
Whether you are planning a wedding or planning what’s for dinner — I invite you to “soft focus” your way through the process!
Take a break often in your day and do this little exercise: close your eyes; take a couple of deep breaths; and roll your eyes slowly 360 degrees to the right; then repeat, rolling them slowly to the left; stretching your eyes as you’re taking deep breaths. Repeat as often as you can. (Since we hold a great deal of tension in our eyes, doing this exercise right before bed is a great way to relax and ease into a restful night’s sleep — when you rest your eyes, your whole body feels more relaxed.)
Rest your eyes, your mind clears. Your mind clears, your eyes see more.
Love. Listen. Let go.
… with love from Cornelia
Topics: Meditation, Stillness & Relaxation, Women's Notes | No Comments »
HOW DO I RELAX?
By Cornelia Powell | May 21, 2008
I recently participated in one of those giant bridal extravaganzas where dozens of vendors displayed their wares and services to several thousand assorted visitors: future brides with various support teams in tow. The fancy hotel ballrooms were bustling with brides-to-be of all shapes, sizes, and expectations (with upcoming weddings in a couple of months to more than two years away.)
Some brides were accompanied by two or even three generations of family members: mothers, sisters, and grandmothers; others were with groups of friends — ranging from excited to complacent — with someone usually declaring triumphantly, “I’m the maid of honor.”
Then there were the women with their fiancés, mostly looking a bit out of place like they’d rather be home watching the playoff game. (A side note: I can write a book for women about wedding shopping with their fiancés — mostly a book of don’ts.)
There were also future brides with tiny babies; or with female partners who said, “I’m the bride as well”; or with their mothers-in-law to be. (And I think there was one woman there with all three!)
How Do I Relax?
Some of the upcoming brides I chatted with were so wound up that when they “attempted” to listen to my meditation CD, exclaimed: “Oh, I’m just too nervous to try to relax!” or “If I relax, I won’t get anything done!” But most said, “I sure need that!” and then proceeded to the next vendor without missing a frenetic beat. Many times it was the mothers who lingered and sighed, “I’m the one who could use some help relaxing.”
The women who did pause and put on headphones, sitting still and listening to the CD for a few minutes — brides as well as mothers — seemed appreciative of someone looking to support their well-being during their upcoming busy and life-changing rites-of-passage.
I was grateful for all the feedback and delighted that many women could feel the difference and went away with one of my OPEN YOUR HEART meditation CDs. These were women who got a glimpse into deep relaxation as a way to their inner power and heart.
An Uptight World
I was reminded of the intense, stressful world that modern culture has created. We live in a world so frenzied that women on the precipice of this deeply loving time of their lives — preparing for their upcoming marriage — either don’t know how or are hesitant to relax.
This is a time to be gentle with yourself. Are you so unfamiliar with what relaxation really feels like that you confuse it with being listless and unproductive? Are you afraid that if you slow down, you’ll lose your edge, your power?
Modern culture has indoctrinated people into believing that intensity, pushing, forcing, overpowering, being loud and rude — the list goes on — is cool and acceptable, even necessary for success. This nonsense even permeates people’s lives when planning their wedding — a time that begs introspection and deep heart connections. (Race car drivers need intensity, but you can bet they have their down time!)
Slow Down & Accomplish More
By reserving a few minutes each day to slow down, close your eyes, take some deep breaths, put your attention inside, and relax — you not only feel and look better, you are more creative and responsive, rather than uptight and reactive. (This is a better place from which to make decisions, yes?)
Being relaxed — having a quieter mind and less tension in your body — produces deeper rest so you can simply be more productive, efficient, loving — and even happier!
So whether you are planning a wedding, setting up your next board meeting, or shopping for dinner, please consider such possibilities: it’s actually powerful and sexy to be tender and nurturing; success and abundance thrive in still waters; and that being able to deeply relax your mind and body is a sign of your inner self more at peace.
What a gift to give to yourself and to a world that can use a little peace and quiet.
Love. Listen. Let go.
… with love from Cornelia
Topics: For Brides, Meditation, Relationship, Women's Notes | No Comments »
VEILED
By Cornelia Powell | May 7, 2008
Waterfalls are a delight of nature that I enjoy finding wherever I travel. There are many around the Cullasaja Gorge region near Highlands, North Carolina, in an area close to where I’ve recently moved. A small waterfall named Bridal Veil Falls caught my attention recently — a rather sheer, narrow spray that drops right at the highway’s edge — gracefully revealing the reason for its namesake.
Seeing the familiar name reminded me how much the mystery and beauty of bridal veils captures our imagination. In a past issue (Autumn/Winter 2007) of my online magazine, Weddings of Grace, I tell a bit of bridal veil history and folklore, sharing the background about styles we know in the European-American tradition. Brides through the ages borrowed from royal court attire, or the current fashion, or new technology — “tradition” meant very little if the style didn’t look good!
From ancient Eastern cultures, where wearing veils were a tradition of daily life, modern brides inherit the spiritual sense of being veiled as capturing a meditative, privileged space for a private reverie.
If you’re a bride-to-be and take this heritage to heart, wearing a gossamer veil over your face is not only beautiful, but it is also a way to create your rite-of-passage as more reflective and tender. The veiled quiet space can be a reminder to take some deep breaths, supporting your journey of self-discovery with calm and grace.
The bridal veil makes a beautiful metaphor for cocooning and emerging, “representing the mystery of womanhood” as I shared with brides in my former shop! Reminiscent of some waterfalls where you can walk behind them into a cave-like space — a safe haven behind the falls — then come back out into the light on the other side.
One of my pleasures in working with brides is to reveal ways that deepen their wedding experience: how to stay centered and settled within, and open their hearts to connect with their “outside” world.
In regular life, how do you create your own cozy, meditative, cocoon-like space for a daily ritual of quietness and relaxation? Even when I can’t “escape” for some alone time, I take a couple of deep breaths in the middle of wherever I am, find my “center,” and then it feels as though I’ve been draped with a “veil” of peacefulness. Try it when entering a noisy, crowded room or when you have the “jitters” for whatever reason; after a few deep breaths, imagine you’ve entered a veiled space of soothing ease. Ahhhhh. Notice the difference a little “cocooning” makes!
Love. Listen. Let go.
… with love from Cornelia
Topics: For Brides, Women's Notes | 1 Comment »
NURTURING
By Cornelia Powell | April 2, 2008
Recently I was treated to a nurturing and healing Ayurvedic body treatment and massage at an exotic day spa. Gracious attention, aromatic tea and a delicious vegetarian meal were also a part of the gifts of service extended to me during the quiet and soothing afternoon.
To end my meditative body wrap session, the lovely practitioner placed her hands over my eyes and said: The light in my eyes honors the light in your eyes. A beautiful and intimate salute. I left feeling nurtured and refreshed and deeply cared for inside and out.
I used the occasion of my birthday to indulge in this generous gift from friends, but it had me consider: What do I do on a daily basis to nurture and care for myself — no matter the circumstances of the day? What do I include in my day that is soothing and relaxing as a matter of course — not just as a break, but as a way of being? I know from my experience, if I don’t put attention there, it won’t happen; if I give attention to being my own best care giver, then there will be more softness, quiet, ease, meditative moments, nurturing responses in my life.
I always write messages to brides about giving attention to their inner well-being as well as to pampering their physical well-being: take quiet meditative breaks; be out in nature as much as possible; put attention on your breath and breathe deeper; be gentle with yourself; cuddle as often as possible; request support when you feel yourself getting a bit overwhelmed; and etcetera.
I’m going to take my own advice and put attention on being more gentle and nurturing to myself each day. And I invite you to join me — whether you’re a bride or just a “regular person” like me! The light in my eyes honors the light in your eyes.
Love. Listen. Let go.
… with love from Cornelia
Topics: Women's Notes | 1 Comment »
Love Is Breathing Into the Heart
By Cornelia Powell | March 12, 2008
I’ve worked with thousands of brides through the years and I’m aware that planning a wedding can put brides-to-be in the middle of an emotional journey — a rite-of-passage of inner growth and discovery that can get a bit bumpy at times. But what phase of your life is not an emotional journey? More and more I see that a woman’s life is an evolving series of rites-of-passage: moving into, through, and out of growth experiences all along the way — bumpy, smooth, and somewhere in-between!
I have a simple suggestion for all of us to ease the journey: notice your breath. For brides-to-be during your busy wedding planning schedule and for all women during your “living life large” journey, it’s important to take a breather — literally! Just think: you could be only a few deep breaths away from easing tension, being less emotional and more at ease, even more able to keep your heart open.
Are you noticing your breath as you’re reading this? Whatever you are noticing about your breath — deepen it more, feel your chest gently rise and fall with each inhale and exhale as you continue to read.
We are a culture of shallow breathers which keeps the body tense and uptight. As you pay more attention to your breath (inhaling deeply and exhaling slowly), as you let go of trying to “hold your body in place” (start with relaxing your shoulders), as you notice your world while noticing your breath (it’s easier to see when breathing deeply) — then you are more at ease, your mind becomes quieter and your body relaxes.
Like Yoga or a stretching routine that allows your body to be more limber and flexible, deep breathing helps you become more “flexible” in mind, body and spirit! The more aware you become of your breath — noticing it flow through your body — the more you allow yourself the lightness of space between all the busyness of life. And you might just get closer to the true feelings of your heart, creating ease in your life inside and out.
Whatever you’re doing — selecting flowers for your wedding bouquet, working at your desk, washing dishes — notice your breath; whatever rite-of-passage you are in — a bride-to-be, a newly wed, a new grandmother, or just living life — notice your breath, then deepen it. Practice noticing — then notice the difference. A wonderful practice to do whatever your journey: imagine your breath, like love, flowing in and out of your heart!
Love. Listen. Let go.
… with love from Cornelia
[The phase "love is breathing into the heart" is from A Course In Miracles.]
Topics: For Brides, Meditation, Stillness & Relaxation, Women's Notes | No Comments »
Weddings (or Life!) as a Cliche
By Cornelia Powell | February 26, 2008
[Originally written for my Notes from Cornelia newsletter, especially for brides, but with a message for all women!]
How to create a wedding — following the appropriate protocol and traditions — that is not a cliche? How to plan a ceremony and reception that does not become a cookie-cutter formula with the character, soul, and intimacy squeezed out of your special event?
I recently saw the movie, 27 Dresses (not because it was on my “top ten” list, but more for “wedding research” reasons!) It’s a formulaic romantic comedy about Jane, an “eager and devoted bridesmaid with her 27 fruit-hued, puffy-sashed leftover bridesmaid dresses still lined up in her closet.”
The brides and wedding scenes in the film are “media wedding” cliches and formulas: stressed-out brides, overly dyed-to-match everything, wedding reception hi-jinks. There was very little intimacy in sight.
Of course, perpetual bridesmaid Jane meets her soon-to-be romantic interest. He is a cynical wedding-hater who covers the “wedding beat” for his newspaper, yet writes a tenderhearted column called “Commitments.” (It would be hard for him not to be cynical based on the weddings he attends: “Forced merriment, boring music, and bad food!”)
The newspaper angle of the movie draws from, “Vows,” the acclaimed real column in the Sunday Styles section of the New York Times. The well-written weekly piece, featuring a just-married couple, reports all that is endearing about love stories and weddings. There is a not a bit of sarcasm or a cliche to be found in its message. Why? Because it goes underneath the fluff and romantic sentiments and “matrimonial-princess fever” to the heart of the matter: what’s simple and real and from the heart.
In the movie, when Jane (who loves the “Commitments” wedding column) finds out it’s this glib skeptic who writes such beautiful articles, she stares him in the eye and asks: “Do you really feel all those warm, sincere, special-day sentiments? Or are you just a cynic spooning out ‘romantic crap’ for women like me?”
Hmmm. Perhaps this is a good inquiry to consider whether you’re planning a wedding or not. How do you not have your head turned by romantic illusion and hype, nor get lost in all the frenzy? For starters, it’s important to be able to recognize the difference in, one: what’s illusion and what’s real; two: your emotion and your spirit; and three: romance and love.
So how do you know the difference? And how do you have your choices for your wedding (or whatever part of your life you’re planning) come off as though you really do? (i.e. fresh, spontaneous, intimate, and full of love.) Here’s the key:
Choose from your heart;
make requests from your heart;
thank everyone (everyone!) from your heart;
keep opening your heart (especially when you don’t want to), and follow its lead.
In other words: Tell the truth, from your heart.
When the main characters in the 27 Dresses movie finally told the truth about their real feelings — stopped being their own cliche — they became more likable and attractive and softer and real. Of course, if they had started out without the pretense and drama, it would have been a whole ‘nother movie — cliche-less! And that’s what I’d choose for real life any day.
Love. Listen. Let go.…
with love from Cornelia
Topics: Relationship, Women's Notes | No Comments »
Love & Renewal
By Cornelia Powell | February 9, 2008
When I travel to other parts of the world, I’m interested in the sense of community in the towns and villages I visit. I notice the relationships between men and women and discover a great deal about a culture from their wedding and marriage customs.
The other day I was reminded of a trip in 2004 to Northern Italy when I bumped into a friend who led the journey. On this trip, we visited and studied in the independent metaphysical community of Damanhur near Torino at the foothills of the Alps.
I was drawn into their generous and open-hearted energy. The people who have settled there from all over the world seem to be connected in a bold, yet intimate way. Involved in global issues, they call on ancient as well as modern practices in the arts and sciences for their projects in making the world a healthier and more vibrant place to live.
Sensing very little tension in any of the groups or families I observed and visited, I was not surprised to learn of their unique marriage protocol:
In Damanhur, couples who decide to marry choose common objectives and decide for how long they want to pursue them through their marriage. In this way, a bit before the chosen deadline, the couple can re-examine their relationship and decide if and for how long to renew their commitment, choosing new goals for individual and common growth.
This wedding formula has been created so that the choice of being together can always be a desired commitment and the relationship does not fall into habit, becoming an obligation. In Damanhur, it is believed that a union of love is a precious gift for everybody because a happy couple can bring harmony, stability and growth to the whole community.
What I find intriguing and wise is that this process always keeps the attention on the relationship with a continuous check-in — no matter what circumstances come and go — so no one’s personal ego overpowers the other or severs the connection. This “built-in re-examination” of the couple’s relationship is not intended to diminish the power of commitment, but to strengthen the bond that is there or to shift the relationship if the connection is missing.
It is the essential lesson of nature: continuous renewal. Is to love anew as an ongoing sacrament, therefore, the essence of transformation?
No matter the rules or laws that give marriages societal structure, isn’t the essence of marriage about deeply honoring the nature of love within the union in each moment? A renewal of spirit. Hm-m-m- m. I’ll continue my observations!
It was a privilege when visiting Damanhur to be in a community that honors and lives “everyday life” as a loving, sacred ritual moment to moment.
Love. Listen. Let go.… with love from Cornelia
Topics: Relationship, Women's Notes | No Comments »
A Young Girl’s World
By Cornelia Powell | January 21, 2008
What can you do today to boost the self-esteem of a young girl? What if you saw every girl as a potential world leader? What then would you say to her to inspire her to see that for herself?
The social pressures of young people today can be brutal—and the support structures of modern culture have let them down. We have given them a society full of caffeine and refined sugar diets; freely prescribed drugs for depression and deficient attention; a media system that makes cruelty and rudeness “cool entertainment”; adult role models who use “religion” to make others wrong; a cyber world that can be more believable to a child than what their parent’s say; and neglect of their inner spirit.
Read the story of Megan Meier. Megan was a 13-year-old girl who committed suicide to escape the pressures she felt from the cruel bullying via her social networking community on MySpace.com.
How can you shore up the self-esteem of not only the “Megan’s” of the world, but also the self-esteem of the girls who tormented her? Let the world know in every way you can that kindness and tenderness are “cool.” Reach out to at least one young girl today—stranger, daughter, friend. They are all our children; they are all us.
Topics: Empowering Girls | No Comments »
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