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Weddings at the Movies
By Cornelia Powell | February 21, 2009
Introduction:
Going to the movies is a treat for me! I see a film either because I’ve read the early Hollywood scoop that intrigues me, or because a favorite actor plays a role, or maybe it’s a period piece with great costumes, or sometimes, even when the movie doesn’t sound very appealing, I go as part of my “culture study.”
This unofficial study centers around the nature of weddings, being a bride, and the ceremonies of life and how films portray these ritual celebrations. I find this acts as a gauge as to how we’re doing as a culture. (I don’t have to tell you that we haven’t been doing so well lately.) And I have a particular interest in the impressions movie portrayals make on young girls.
Scene I:
I headed to my mountain neighborhood’s one movie theater to see the highly publicized “Bride Wars.” The title alone was evidence that we’ve continued to slide down the slippery slope of shallowness, but my “culture study” called.
Standing in line for tickets at the small “cineplex” in Sylva, North Carolina ($4.00 for seniors, $3.00 for fresh popcorn—I’m in heaven!), I got behind a group of excited little girls. Probably eight to nine years old, they were there to see the Disney release, “Hotel for Dogs.”
The more precocious of the bunch, noticing the line-up of movie posters beside us, kept asking her group if they had seen “Bride Wars.” As each girl shook her head, she repeated—as though she knew some grown-up secret—”Oh, it was sooooooooo funny!” It seemed that the more she asked, the more the next girl became “programmed” to have her response match the group leader.
I thought of those impressionable little girls a few minutes later as I sat in the theater watching the very “unfunny” movie. The two main characters—”bubble-brained and consumer driven”—best friends Liv and Emma (actors Kate Hudson and Anne Hathaway), played mean-spirited dirty tricks on each other around a wedding date mix-up. (”…a not so romantic comedy with tired slapstick pranks but not an ounce of self-respect or intelligence,” reported one movie critic.)
I wanted to go gather up all those little girls, introduce them to some wise grounded women friends, and intend that they develop the self-confidence needed to think for themselves. Even when cultural peer pressure breathes nervously down their tender necks.
Then I bet they’d all agree with the verdict of another movie critic: “Mean instead of funny, loud instead of clever and shrill instead of romantic, ‘Bride Wars’ is far more familiar with—and cause for—tantrums than celebrations.”
Whether art imitates life, or life imitates art, I think that we all could propose: “No more terrible wedding movies!” But just in case, I’ll keep my “culture study” going and report back to you. In the meantime, go make an inspiring impression—take a little girl out for a real-woman (or real-guy) chat!
Scene II:
My “culture study” needed a lift. I went to see “Last Chance Harvey” starring Dustin Hoffman and Emma Thompson. (The movie trailer declared: “It’s never too late to open your heart…to change your life…to take a chance.”) I figured with these two intelligent actors that the movie would at least have a well-written script whether the characters were appealing or not.
Harvey, a bit of a sad-sap long-divorced workaholic—flies to London for his daughter’s wedding. The awkwardness is apparent between the estranged father and daughter as he tells her he plans to rush back to his work in New York right after the ceremony, missing the reception, and she tells him that she asked her stepfather (played by a debonair James Brolin)to give her away.
Harvey indeed leaves the wedding early (where he had dejectedly sat in the back of the church) and meets more disappointments with a missed flight, lost job, and just the boredom of his life. Heading to an airport bar, he meets Kate, the Emma Thompson character, a lonely, “slightly prickly” 40-something who works for the Office of National Statistics at Heathrow.
Kate is “touched by Harvey who finds himself energized by her intelligence and compassion. The growing connection between the pair inspires both as they unexpectedly transform one another’s lives.” Encouraged by his new friend, Harvey returns for the reception and expresses his newly opened heart in a toast to his daughter, his new son-in-law, his ex-wife and her husband. There is no anger, ego, glibness, or cynicism in his toast—no “wedding war”—just words from the heart. Then everyone else’s heart opened in response. (Kindness and authenticity tends to work that way!)
Conclusion:
My “culture study” received enough sustenance with that one scene of Harvey’s toast to carry the day, shoring me up to continue my movie marathon. Perfect timing because the move previews I saw were full of some “scary” stuff! (And I don’t mean the bloody slasher movies. It looks like some ditzy-dialogue, angst-filled relationship movies are on the way.)
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All About the Love Again (Long Version Reprinted from Newsletter)
By Cornelia Powell | February 6, 2009
This was my experience watching the festivities surrounding President Obama’s inauguration last week. I don’t put a lot of attention on politics — or television — but this day was a happening and not to be missed! I felt I was in the midst of a collective rite-of-passage…a passage immersed in love where everyone was included.
“Love that casts a widening pool of light,” continued Elizabeth Alexander, the poet chosen to read her original work for the inauguration. The love of that wide light she spoke of — bold, patient, courageous, abundant, kind, in service, inclusive, unconditional (the only way real love can be) — lit the world that day.
At the Neighborhood Inauguration Ball, Stevie Wonder debuted a new song for a soundtrack dedicated to the Obamas, “All About the Love Again.” And it didn’t sound corny as he sang, it sounded, well, like a cool place you’d want to hang out!
Of course, poets and minstrels musing about love is nothing new, but it sure felt like something big had shifted. The whole experience had me consider: What would a collective rite-of-passage focused on love be like for the world? So I decided to start with me! I looked up what other sages had to say on the subject of love.
Over 2000 years ago, before the birth of Jesus, the Roman poet Ovid said, “If you want to be loved, be lovable.” It’s not easy to be lovable if I’m judging and criticizing someone or when I’m not loving myself. If indeed “only love is real,” as writer Marianne Williamson declares, then perhaps it’s as simple as this: For my world to be more loving requires me to be more lovable.
Mother Teresa said, “If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive.” She considered that forgiveness is about letting go of whatever has you close your heart to others… for whatever reason. Hmmm, I’ve got some work to do! Thank goodness that “love is kind and patient and not jealous,” to paraphrase First Corinthians.
In my unofficial love research, I reread the famous, simple prayer of the 12th century mystic, St. Francis of Assisi: “where there is hate, let me sow love.” Thinking back on the inauguration festivities, that’s what it looked like: people, even strangers, going around “sowing love” — giving real hugs, making heart connections, speaking authentically from an open heart. And it didn’t feel momentary, it felt like something strong, immediate, and everlasting would grow from it.
That’s the nature of a rite-of-passage… something changes from within, then radiates out from there. And it touches everyone, even those unawares.
“All you need is love,” my guys the Beatles sang out and they would be happy to know that it just might be possible now! Sure feels like it. Love, indeed, is the mightiest word. And just as Stevie sang: “sounds good to me”!
Love. Listen. Let go.
… with love from Cornelia
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All About the Love Again
By Cornelia Powell | January 23, 2009
The poet asked, “what if the mightiest word is love?”. The song writer sang, “all about the love again.”
And that’s what it felt like—this day marking a new shift in consciousness—as I watched the activities this week surrounding President Obama’s inauguration throughout the day and evening. I felt it, I saw it on the faces of people there, I heard their words declare it. Not about politics; about relationship.
“Love that casts a widening pool of light,” continued Elizabeth Alexander, the poet chosen to read her original work for the president’s inauguration. Bold, patient, courageous, abundant, in service, inclusive, unconditional—the only way real love can be.
At the Neighborhood Inauguration Ball that evening, Stevie Wonder debuted a new song for a soundtrack dedicated to the Obamas, “All About the Love Again,” and it didn’t sound corny when he sang, just genuine.
Love, indeed, is the mightiest word! And just as Stevie sang: “sounds good to me”!
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Full Moon Blessing
By Cornelia Powell | January 11, 2009
Topics: Inspiration, Meditation, Remembrances, Women's Notes | No Comments »
Blue Bird Visitors
By Cornelia Powell | December 24, 2008
I’ve just had the most wonderful Christmas Eve visitors to my little mountain top! A flock of Eastern Blue Birds just lit outside my office loft windows (looking west into a “blue” silhouetted mountain ridge). This is only the third batch of “songbirds” that have called on me in the month or so of being here — crows, however, love to come a’calling!
Just yesterday, I filled the two bird feeders that a friend put up for me last week — the same two feeders I had “in the valley” where I stayed before moving up to my cabin on Cullowhee Mountain. I just wasn’t sure that song birds could find me…but I was going to be ready!
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The Bride As Goddess (excerpt)
By Cornelia Powell | December 22, 2008
I promised to share with you a excerpt from a presentation, The Colours of the Goddess, that I recently gave at a symposium in Williamsburg, Virginia. The longer presentation was originally prepared for a Women’s Conference in Cuzco, Peru several years ago. (For another excerpt from my “goddess” presentation, see the Love Notes page in the current Weddings of Grace Online Magazine.):
A practice of past cultures — and continued today in some societies — heralds the bride as a heroine and sees that she is honored and attended to like a queen: she is bathed, perfumed, painted, pierced, bejeweled, coiffed, wrapped, draped, veiled, adorned with flowers, extravagantly dressed (sometimes changing costumes several times over days- or week-long ceremonies), and she is elevated to goddess stature!
So with all of this adoration over many centuries, was the bride possibly seen as the “epiphany of the goddess”? Was she considered an embodiment of Aphrodite, goddess of love and procreation; Hera, goddess of marriage and nurturing; or Demeter, goddess of motherhood?
For thousands of years, Goddesses were real to most of the world’s population. Goddess religions were considered nature religions, personifying nature’s abundance and life-giving powers. Therefore, their rites-of-passage ceremonies captured nature’s mystery and magic. Although today’s bride doesn’t go through the extensiveness of ancient rituals (but we borrow from them all!), this goddess essence is indeed part of the modern bride’s lineage.
Perhaps part of the wide appeal of the modern bride — to the observer as well for the woman considering marriage — that as a bride, she is seen on some subconscious level as a reminder of (or perhaps simply a yearning for) this goddess spirit: nurturing, wise, beautiful, and self-renewing. Is a woman tapping into her own goddess nature as a bride? Does the bride’s rite-of-passage represent a deeper need to unequivocally express her femininity — to be part of the mystery?
Then again, it may just be no more than a woman’s desire to dress in sensuous “goddess clothes” or, fueled by the fairy princess myth, “live out a dream that may very well have haunted them from girlhood,” like Darcy Cosper declares in her book, Wedding Season. As author Caroline Weber (who I met her at the symposium in Williamsburg), wrote in her New York Times review of The Diana Chronicles by Tina Brown:
“Ladies, let’s be honest: who really among us hasn’t dreamed of becoming a princess?” Women around the world, “sometimes against their better judgment,” fall entranced by the glamorous prospects and “redemptive metamorphosis that this particular myth promises.”
Since a rite-of-passage is designed to move you closer to your true spirit, I tell brides-to-be of every age and persuasion: “Don’t settle for being a princess for a day, be a goddess for a lifetime!”
Topics: Costume, For Brides, Women's Notes | No Comments »
An Update
By Cornelia Powell | December 15, 2008
I recently attended a Costume Society of America symposium in Williamsburg, Virginia where I gave a paper and PowerPoint presentation: “The Colours of the Goddess Bride, or What Becomes a Legend Most?”.
In honor of “finding the goddess in us all,” I’ll share parts of the talk with you in a future post coming soon — stay tuned!
At the symposium, I enjoyed meeting the keynote speaker, Caroline Weber, author of Queen of Fashion: What Marie Antoinette Wore to the Revolution. It was great being reminded that our knowledge of history is not necessarily accurate and in learning more intimate details of a person’s life, we get to see the real person inside the character — whether a queen, goddess, or just “regular folk”! (Caroline’s book is a great read, by the way.)
More on “the bride as goddess” coming up!
CP
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Flexibility (Part Two): You CAN Have Your Cake and Eat It Too!
By Cornelia Powell | November 30, 2008
“The mountains teach you to be flexible,” my friend Debra said to me when visiting recently. She came to install the closet she designed for my little (almost complete) cabin home perched on a steep mountainside. Her wise reminder was in response to my stories about the challenges created in the building process of said “perch” and the road leading to it.
Learning to be flexible is one of the main life lessons during any rite-of-passage — whether the passage is building a new home, planning a wedding, or creating a new phase of your business. And when you’re attempting to “stay on a budget” as well, the challenges mount and flexibility indeed comes in handy for a more peaceful and satisfying transition. (The old “when life gives you lemons, make lemonade” trick!)
I read an article recently about “brides on a budget” — which can only be a good thing in the runaway world of over-the-top weddings — and how being flexible inspired some surprising creative ideas. The Newsweek article spoke of brides-to-be “hit with a dose of reality” when faced with how “paying for their dream wedding was going to require some creativity” as well as an attitude shift.
Some of the budget ideas mentioned by reporter Ashley Harris included: brides wearing “gently used” wedding gowns; couples sending out handwritten invitations instead of engraved ones; not using a DJ at the reception and plugging in the couple’s iPod instead; and serving “fake” wedding cake. (The reporter explained: “Some brides buy wedding cakes made of Styrofoam [except for one tier to use for the cutting ceremony], then serve the guests cheap sheet cake.” Hmmm. I’m not sure about this one!)
So it’s true: Being flexible means you CAN have your cake and eat it too! (I think this is a great title for a new wedding book!) The flexibility of these couples helped them experience a happy wedding day without doing everything by some wedding “rule book.”
Whatever rite-of-passage you are moving through or about to approach, remember that you cannot always control exterior circumstances — like trading an extravagant, tiered wedding cake for a less expensive sheet cake (or for a big stack of homemade brownies for that matter!) — but you can always control interior circumstances. As Conversations With God author Neale Donald Walsch says:
“Your internal world — the reality that you encounter within your mind and emotions — is a world that you and only you control and create. How you experience everything is up to you. Your reactions need not be automatic or similar to ones you have had before.”
Being flexible helps us see that in fact there is a difference in external and internal circumstances and gives us pause to be able to choose which is more important. Being flexible is rolling with the punches and appreciating whatever type “cake” life cooks up (or mountainside you’re climbing!) — then welcoming the creative opportunities that come with the experience.
Love. Listen. Let go.
… with love from Cornelia
Topics: For Brides, Inspiration, Women's Notes | No Comments »
Being Flexible: Children at Weddings
By Cornelia Powell | November 9, 2008
Little boys seemed to be everywhere at my nephew Matthew and Lindsay’s outdoor October wedding. Her two nephews — Eamon, six, and Brendan, four — and Matthew’s one and a half year-old nephew, Harrison, especially enjoyed the lawn’s open space to run and play.
Toddler Harrison needed a bit more “looking after,” although I understand that the bride told his “handlers” to just let him loose during the wedding ceremony. Lindsay said she was fine if he wandered in and out of the altar setting where his dad and granddad stood as part of the wedding party.
Now that’s a woman who is flexible at the very heart of her being! We tend to think weddings (like most of life) have to follow some planned script. Life can get much simpler and full of ease when we’re willing to “go with flow” — and having children in or at a wedding is a great teacher for flexibility.
It’s not about “anything goes” as in not making any plans nor do I mean being irresponsible. However, it is about “letting go” of our fixed notions and opinions that don’t serve the reality at hand . . . like if things don’t go exactly “as planned!”
Here’s an excerpt of an essay, “The Way of Children,” that I wrote several years ago for my work in progress, the Weddings of Grace book:
“If you have children in your wedding, be aware that they don’t always follow the scripted program and may follow their own imaginative drummer. Sometimes children get scared and start ‘acting out’ which can be distracting; but then at times their actions just get absorbed into the planned protocol. The unexpected delight of what children say and do can be charming, becoming a special remembrance of a wedding.
“With children in the wedding party, the key is to be flexible; let go of expectations and be open for surprise. And don’t worry, no one can completely steal the show — the bride always shines!”
I like that: “Be open for surprise!” I notice that synonyms for flexibility — supple, adaptable, accommodating, open — are all characteristics of people who are a pleasure to be around. And they are all great words to practice being whether you’re planning or attending a wedding — or just living life on a regular day!
Since life is very good at throwing us surprises….I’m practicing being more flexible!
Love. Listen. Let go.
. . . with love from Cornelia
Topics: For Brides, Inspiration, Relationship, Remembrances, Women's Notes | No Comments »
Family Wedding Trip
By Cornelia Powell | October 22, 2008
I recently attended my nephew Matthew’s wedding in Angier, North Carolina, near Raleigh. The ceremony was outside on the farm of the bride’s parents…right before sunset, under an arbor built by Lindsay’s father. Chairs were set up in the backyard for a full view of Mother Nature at her best.
In the perfect early October evening, the quarter moon appeared as we watched the sun “drop” behind trees across a pond where horses grazed and roosters crowed and leaves were beginning to change.
There’s something about outdoor weddings that seem to be very grounding and restorative.
Also, there was a bit of “coming full circle” that weddings can demonstrate so well: Lindsay’s nephew Eamon was ring bearer — reminiscent of when Matthew (the groom) was a reluctant ring bearer as a little boy many years before. (See a picture in the current issue of Weddings of Grace on A Bride’s Story page.)
I’d say that the combination of children and weddings calls on being flexible…which I find to be a helpful daily practice! So Flexibility became the “NOTE” in my newsletter this month — Notes from Cornelia, the Woman Becoming Newsletter.
I’ll post it soon….stay tuned! love, Cornelia
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