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Speaking the language of ritual & relationship, folklore & costume, stillness & self-discovery... |
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Make Haste to Be Kind
By Cornelia Powell | August 30, 2009
I’ve been thinking alot about “kindness” the last few days. No matter your politics, but if you tuned in at all to any of the coverage of Senator Edward Kennedy’s memorial services, you would have heard something like, “he was the most thoughtful and kind friend.” This from both Republican and Democratic colleagues as well as from family members and work associates.
We live in a loud, mean-spirited media culture that seems to get noisier and doesn’t appear to know their way around “kindness.” Has “kindness” become old-fashioned? Did Senator Kennedy’s death mark the end of the “respectful adversary”? Being able to disagree with respect; express love and appreciation for someone while challenging their take on something; not making the person wrong when you think their opinion may indeed be off base?
So I’ve been noticing my thoughts. And if at any time I catch myself having a negative or harsh thought — toward myself, someone or some thing — I stop and see where I can find the love and forgiveness in that circumstance. Is kindness not the action taken when we come from love and forgiveness? Then in the words of writer Ron Carlson, “make haste to be kind.”
I can’t think of a finer legacy to live toward. Here’s to the redemptive quality of kindness!
Topics: Inspiration, Relationship | No Comments »
How Do You Know?
By Cornelia Powell | August 19, 2009
~ Lavinia Plonka, from her article “June Bride”
What would be your answer if someone posed that question to you? I don’t know whether Lavinia’s mother’s advice about love is true or not — the nature of romantic love can get rather complicated, yes? But how do you know what you’re feeling about anything is true, much less the sticky subject of love?
Even when you think you are being rigorously honest with yourself, how do you know you can trust your decision — what do you use as a guidepost? How can you tell if your “wise-self” has kicked in or if it’s just your tricky mind telling you to take a right turn instead of a left, or that it’s okay to have another piece of chocolate, or that yes, this is “real love” and not just the “illusion of love”?
Sometimes I do a little check-in with myself when I’m wrangling with a decision: “Is my answer coming from my head, my heart, or my intuition? Where am I ‘feeling’ the answer?” My friend, Maria Gurule, a wise teacher and shaman, explains it something like this:
“Your head (your thoughts) may trick you; your heart (your emotions) may fool you; but your solar plexus/the pit of your stomach (your inner knowing) will never lie to you.”
When your “inner knowing” speaks — and you know when it does! — it takes courage to then act on that wise, intuitive, aware voice (especially when things “out there” are pointing in a different direction.) This is how Neale Donald Walsch, author of Conversations With God, counsels about making choices: “Look to your awareness, not to your thoughts. Your thoughts about things can betray you — and often do — because they are colored by emotions. Your awareness cannot.”
In our over-thinking, noisy frenetic culture, it’s important to slow down, be quiet, and listen inward — at least for a few moments each day. Otherwise, even your “aware self” may miss that ping in the pit of your stomach or not be able to hear the message of your wise “inner knowing.”
Gently breathe in and out with an easy, deep rhythm and listen for that still, soft place inside. It’s always there — a few quiet breaths away — and you can trust where it takes you. Here is where the difference in “real love” and the “illusion of love” — or the truth about whatever query is stirring your soul at the moment — becomes apparent. So when you imagine your life with or without something or someone, look inward to your awareness and you can indeed trust what you imagine to be true.
Topics: Empowering Girls, For Brides, Inspiration, Meditation, Relationship, Stillness & Relaxation, Women's Notes | No Comments »
Abundant Days
By Cornelia Powell | August 11, 2009
Driving through the Blue Ridge mountains the other day with friends, scattered amongst the late summer Black-eyed Susans, I got my first glimpse of goldenrod. A sign of autumn approaching, the spiky goldenrod blooms became a reminder of going back to school — accompanied by a knot in my stomach — and I shared the childhood memories with my companions.
How often does something in the present take me back to the past — good, bad or ugly? It was a little wake-up call for me to stay aware and not allow my thoughts to “have their way with me!” I can stay present even while telling a story of a memory — I just don’t have to “become the past” or have a thought take me off track, or down a road of regret or worry, or — well, you get the picture!
I can always declare — no matter what triggers a memory or where the memory takes me — that in this moment, “today is a divine, blessed, infinitely abundant day!”
Topics: Inspiration, Remembrances, Women's Notes | No Comments »
REMINDERS
By Cornelia Powell | July 24, 2009
Will refers to her as Lil’ Ina in his emails. Although I haven’t met her in person, every time I see that picture, she feels as close as if she lived here. Her parents are bringing her to visit soon — back to her roots, as I see it. I call her our “little mountain girl” because she was conceived when her mom and dad were visiting me last July for my birthday celebration. Hmmmm. Maybe that’s why this July birthday felt even more special … this smiling little soul is now in the world.
I’m surrounded by things here in my cozy mountain cabin — collected bits of antique lace, my grandmother’s Victorian cabbage-rose lamp, favorite books — as well as glorious views, smells, and energies of nature that are all reminders of the many blessings I have. And now there is this sweet face in the photograph beaming at me every day as well! The perfect cue for me to smile and be grateful.
What do you have in your life that is or that you can claim as a reminder that all is well — no matter the circumstances that may be swirling about? Sometimes we just need a little prompt to remember that today is a divine, blessed, infinitely abundant day! And sometimes it’s as simple as declaring it so. And then, so it is.
Will & Lil' Ina
Topics: Inspiration, Relationship, Remembrances | 2 Comments »
Memories in Clay
By Cornelia Powell | July 8, 2009
[I thought you'd enjoy this excerpt from an article in a past Weddings of Grace online magazine.]
Transplanted Asheville, North Carolina artist Michael Hofman’s parents’ 50th wedding anniversary was coming up and he realized the idea for the perfect present was at his fingertips. Michael works in clay, making beautiful objects—vases, platters, bowls—with subtle lace patterns imprinted in the clay.
Since Michael uses actual lace textiles to embellish his one-of-a-kind pieces, why not use lace from his mother’s circa 1957 wedding gown on a surprise gift? Without revealing details, Michael asked his mother to ship him her wedding gown and it arrived still in its original box from Selman’s of Louisville, Kentucky.
“I had an idea what he was up to,” Mrs. Hofman said when I phoned her in South Bend, Indiana, “and it was something I wanted him to do! Michael’s work makes such lovely gifts of remembrance, so when I saw how beautiful the vase was that he made for us, I was delighted!”
Michael also used hand croqueted lace from a tablecloth made by his father’s stepmother to decorate a platter for his parents, as well as for his brothers, to commemorate the anniversary. The wonderful bit of serendipity was that his grandmother was from Belgium and had made the tablecloth for Michael’s parents’ wedding present.
“By using porcelain, which is a special type of clay, I am able to craft pieces with a defined elegance of thinness and lightness but still have a profound structural integrity,” Michael explained about his work.
Although Joan Hofman’s wedding gown had been preserved for 50 years, textiles don’t tend to last forever and you can’t keep a wedding gown on the shelf to admire! But a lovingly crafted piece of porcelain imprinted with its textured remembrance is another story.
When I asked Mrs. Hofman about her wedding day in 1957, she remembered that it was unusually cold for November. “I shopped around all the fashionable stores in Louisville and found a dress at Selman’s that suited me well. Although it was short, in the ballerina length that was the style of the day, I was otherwise ‘covered’—not like the brides now!”
Michael Hofman told me a bit about how his parents had met and his mother filled me in. The story goes that when Emil Hofman was on holiday with friends from graduate school at the University of Notre Dame, he was in an automobile accident outside of Louisville and Joan Sherron was a student nurse at the hospital. “We were forbidden to socialize with the patients, but I guess we got around that,” Mrs. Hofman told me. She added: “Under the circumstances, my husband thought Allstate should pay for the wedding!”
Topics: Costume, For Brides, Inspiration, Relationship, Remembrances, Women's Notes | 2 Comments »
A Woman’s Mystery
By Cornelia Powell | June 26, 2009
To my delight, one of my early visitors was a lone hummingbird (female, I figured, because of her dull coloring). She would briefly fly about the hanging basket of fuchsia, buzz around my head, then be off, followed by my promises of “one day” I’d hang out a bottle of nectar as well. (Hummingbirds are still rather new to me, so I’ve seen them as little magical, mysterious creatures.)
Finally one morning I “cooked up” some sugar water, filled the bottle, hung it on my porch, and called my little friend to breakfast. It didn’t take her long to arrive to sample my “cooking.” Then I heard a second unmistakable buzzing. Here came the ruby-throated, iridescent green-back male — her mate? I was thrilled. But as soon as he arrived, he darted at my little friend, buzzing her away. He chased her in what seemed to me an attack, then began doing his masculine pendulum-swing aerial act!
“Be sweet, now,” I said to my visitors, “and stop fussing!” After several days of that routine I announced to them that, although I loved them, they were “losing their mystery” for me with all of that noisy aggressive behavior.
The next day or so, I heard Marianne Williamson, a favorite author, give her “Miracle Thought” for the day podcast on the subject of “intimacy.”
(For a little background: I’m an “observer” of relationships. I haven’t had a lot of experience, but I’m a keen witness on how creatures — including men and women! — interact. In my observations, I’m intrigued by a particular type of couple: they have been together for years and have stopped hearing each other; then it’s like a tired gray fog of resentment hangs over them. He stopped listening long ago, and she talks even more.)
So Marianne’s podcast on intimacy fascinated me. She talked about the upfront, “tell it like it is!” American culture that believes in saying whatever they’re thinking — even “in the name of intimacy.” There is “value in discretion” she offered. “For women, particularly, it is important to retain our mystery.”
Marianne asks the listener to consider that “in order to preserve intimacy — you don’t say everything you’re thinking. I suggest to you,” she continued, “that intimacy is not just where everything is spoken; intimacy is, more importantly, where everything can be heard. There are times that intimacy itself demands that we be very careful not only with what we say, but how we say it.”
It’s not about withholding or being dishonest, or “not being real, not being authentic,” but it is about being real in the most loving, compassionate way. And coming from that space, you can trust your higher-self to say what is lovingly supportive.
There is nothing wrong with a bit of mystery. There are times, the author shared, “when mystery is a salve…when mystery is anything but a lie…it can be a higher kind of truth.”
Marianne spoke about hearing a radio interview with a famous French couple while in France — her travel mate interpreting for her. The woman was asked the secret of the couple’s long successful marriage. “I never lost my mystery,” the woman responded.
“When a woman retains her feminine,” Marianne concluded, “truly stays within her feminine spirit, a man never grows bored. And a woman who talks too much, loses her mystery. Silence is part of our power; it is not a game, it is part of the dance. It’s part of the feminine. We are powerful when we speak and we are powerful when we are silent.”
Love…listen…let go.
Cornelia
Topics: Empowering Girls, Inspiration, Relationship, Women's Notes | 3 Comments »
“Holy Blessings” - a book excerpt
By Cornelia Powell | June 22, 2009
I thought you would enjoy this excerpt from my upcoming book, “The Bride’s Ritual Guide: Look Inside to Find Yourself.” Not just for brides, but for all women (and men!) who love matters of the heart!
HOLY BLESSINGS
“Smile, breathe, go slowly.”
- Thich Nhat Hanh
Some brides wear a sapphire ring or pin as their wedding day “something blue.” Sapphires have a great deal of ethereal meaning in the world of gemstones. Queen Victoria wore a large sapphire brooch, a gift from her beloved Albert, pinned to her white silk satin gown the day they married. As a teenage bride-to-be, Lady Diana Spencer chose a sapphire and diamond engagement ring from the selection offered her by Prince Charles and the royal family.
The blue sapphire is considered the stone of “holy blessings” and has long symbolized truth, sincerity, and faithfulness. A precious gemstone may not be able to guarantee the love we want, but “holy blessings” come in all shapes and sizes and disguises! Whatever gemstone you wear, it’s more of a treasure when you add self-love. Now that’s a blessing that keeps sharing riches of the heart!
Perhaps you need a little extra support to get to and keep that loving space during this busy time. Give yourself the gift of a few quiet moments each day. Slow down, relax, close your eyes and just breathe; take deep slow inhales and long soft exhales. Focus inward as you breathe. Pay attention to your breath gently moving your chest up and down. Allow your body to soften and relax even more. Let your thoughts just float awhile…no concentrating needed here. Simply count your “holy blessings” as you enjoy this soft quiet sweetness.
[Excerpted from my upcoming book, "The Bride's Ritual Guide: Look Inside to Find Yourself." Stay tuned for news!]
Topics: For Brides, Inspiration, Relationship, Remembrances, Stillness & Relaxation | No Comments »
Give a Child a Future
By Cornelia Powell | June 3, 2009
I’m just back from attending the Book Expo America in New York City — the granddaddy book event of them all! — and one thing that was very apparent is that people love books! Here’s the event where publishers present their new and upcoming book titles and show off their authors. There were books of all kinds: books with messages that enlighten us; books that entertain us; books that teach us something new!
There was an entire floor at BEA devoted to childrens’ books. And many of the authors had their children with them for the book signings and presentations. Which brings me to this quick message: Give books to children; read books to children; get them a library card; teach a child to read; etcetera! You don’t have to be a teacher to teach. You don’t have to be a parent to nurture a child. A quote I read by Donald E. Messer in 52 Ways to Create an AIDs-Free World: “A girl without education matures into a woman without a future.”
Give a child a future! Buy them a book. Read to them. Show them this big, beautiful world full of possibility, abundance, and love.
Topics: Announcements, Empowering Girls, Inspiration, Relationship | No Comments »
Celebrating the Skin We’re In!
By Cornelia Powell | May 24, 2009
Hmmmm. Someone having “issues” with their looks or body is not untypical, but it does seem the phenomenon became “pandemic” in American culture over the last several years. (Which is what “Nip/Tuck” satirizes it seems.) What would it take for us to have whatever “issue” we have, yet celebrate our bodies just the way we are?
There is no occasion that brings up these concerns more than when a bride shops for her wedding dress (especially if she “struggles” with her body). This experience is poignantly and hilariously expressed by Susan Jane Gilman in her book, Hypocrite in a Pouffy White Dress.
A cynical, self-declared “subversive” New Yorker who hated shopping because of her hard-to-fit figure, Susan never thought she would be wearing one of those white pouffy dresses as a bride. (Something trashy in red or black was more her speed!) But reluctantly she goes shopping and, not understanding or appreciating her body type, she looked “hideous” (her word) in the dresses she chose and was ready to give up. But thanks to a patient saleswoman who had a great eye for what looked good on a woman’s figure, Susan — now looking gorgeous dressed in the saleswoman’s choice — had what she called a “total ideological meltdown” in the middle of David’s Bridal!
“I couldn’t help it. I almost started to weep. I looked beautiful. More beautiful than I had ever seen myself look in my entire life. I looked queenly, glorious, uncompromised,” the author exclaimed. “Every woman should see herself looking uniquely breathtaking, in something tailored to celebrate her body, so that she is better able to appreciate her own beauty and better equipped to withstand the ideals of our narrow-waisted, narrow-minded culture.”
(I loved reading that because in my former shop when my designers and I dressed a bride, these were the results we were after and celebrated in achieving!)
Of course some women like their bodies just fine, thank you very much! Like Sonja Herbert of Berkeley, California — a savvy, wise, and grounded woman — who is featured as a bride in the current issue of Weddings of Grace. Sonja said that everything seemed to come together with ease when she began planning her simple, elegant, reverent wedding with the exception of one “difficulty” — shopping for the dress!
“The hardest part for me was selecting the dress,” Sonja explained. “It was like the stores were putting me on a pedestal, but insulting me at the same time. They were telling me what the dress hid; selling me a dress that would solve my problems. ‘Oh, this dress makes you look skinny; this one makes you look tall.’ I finally said, ‘I’m happy with my body just the way it is!’” (Sonja participates in triathlons, so she should know!)
For the most part, wedding gown designers do indeed focus on making a woman look beautiful. If a bride has “body issues,” then the help of a “knowing” designer, alterations expert, or salesperson who understands proportion (it’s all about proportion) puts the bride in good hands. And when it all comes together, as I tell brides in my upcoming book, The Bride’s Ritual Guide: Look Inside to Find Yourself, “linger in front of the mirror and simply soak in looking and feeling feminine and luscious and gorgeous in your own eyes!”
The passage in my book continues with a reminder for all women: “You don’t have to wait for your wedding day, or stop doing it on your wedding day, or even have a wedding day to celebrate your womanliness! And no, you don’t wear a figure-shaping, goddess-inspiring, glowing white ball gown designed to show off your femininity every day, but you can celebrate you every day — body and spirit!”
So with or without some nip ‘n tuck … let’s all “celebrate the skin we’re in!”
Love. Listen. Let go.
… with love from Cornelia
Topics: Costume, For Brides, Inspiration, Remembrances, Women's Notes | 1 Comment »
Love Without Diamonds?
By Cornelia Powell | May 19, 2009
Join the Discussion on “Conflict Diamonds” and Advantages of Buying Vintage Wedding & Engagement Rings!
In the current issue of Weddings of Grace Online Magazine, I continue the discussion of “to diamond or not to diamond?” — “new rings vs antique?” — “no engagement ring/just wedding band?” (See details on the Cornelia Recommends page.)
Would love your input for follow-up article! (Feel free to share with others.)
1. Do you have stories of becoming aware of the “conflict diamond” concern—especially since the media focused attention on the issue in 2006—and how it may have changed or influenced a purchase?
(For info, see a 2006/07 write-up in the Weddings of Grace archives.)
2. Or if you’ve shopped for wedding rings since 2006, what did you learn about the Kimberley Process (the diamond industry’s self-policing policy) or what were you told by jewelers if you asked about “blood diamonds” or etcetera?
3. Do you have stories of buying engagement/wedding rings with gemstones other than diamonds (or rings not featuring a diamond)? Whether sapphire, ruby, amethyst, emerald, or etcetera, and/or no stone—what was/were your reason/s?
4. Do you have stories of shopping for fine vintage or antique wedding rings for better value for your investment; for more character in design; for better quality or more unique look; etcetera? (For info, see the “Cornelia Recommends” page in the current issue of Weddings of Grace.)
Thanks for sharing your stories, ideas, and queries. I look forward to hearing from you.
Edwardian diamond and platinum ring. Courtesy of Isadora's.
Topics: Announcements, For Brides, Relationship, Women's Notes | No Comments »
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